whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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