you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
