Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Then you guys just all showered together...?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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