You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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