In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
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All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
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I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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