ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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