If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
