3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
