I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
