I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
