i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
