even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
