i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
