I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
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Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
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so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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