I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
