He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize