So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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