I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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