i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
