her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
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Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
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Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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