i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
