dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I fill condoms, not promises.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
