On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
This gyro tastes like lonliness
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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