Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
