Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
