I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
