For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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