It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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