Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Someone shattered a urinal.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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