i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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