My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
