His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
