i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
