she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
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You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
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Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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