You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
