I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
