Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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