I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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