forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
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It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
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pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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