My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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