I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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