Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
