About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
