I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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