just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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