I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
