He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize