I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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