Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
