y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
