Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
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Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
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Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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