the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
