I wish life had little blips of pornography
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize