1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
