Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
