i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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