I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
