It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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